


Romance A La Flow Chart

by skellerbvvt



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Comedy, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-01-17
Updated: 2008-01-17
Packaged: 2017-10-19 07:11:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/198272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skellerbvvt/pseuds/skellerbvvt





	Romance A La Flow Chart

Duo glared and struggled and Heero nodded, then moved to the front and clicked on a PowerPoint which was helpfully titled: “Detailed Analysis of Why Heero and Duo Should Engage In Sexual Relations.”

It all began with Heero. Heero was a very decisive man. He didn’t like loose ends (as shown whenever he killed/silenced people who would prove troublesome later), he liked everything neat, clean, resolved and in a nice little file.

He preferred if all his relationships could be summed up efficiently in checkbox format, and if the intensity of all said checkbox relationship could be effectively summed up on a nice 1-10 scale and all paperwork could be had in triplicate in a file folder on the ninth floor of Achieves.

Unfortunately, everyone else did not share this logical and simplistic view of the world and chose to muck up all of his scales and flow charts with constantly changing relationships and the nice 1-10 scale was sent straight to Hell with all the various hook-ups, break-ups, threesomes, foursomes, outright orgies, fights, and all out brawls in the equipment room as he was trying to do his reps. You think they would mind, but since they were all used to the privacy of a zoo animal, they were quite willing to make-up and fuck wherever there was a strong surface in which to do it against. Duo was especially shameless, though given what Heero knew of his past (which was a lot, Duo murmured in his sleep. Heero had slept in the same room as Duo in the past.) Duo had rarely been alone through his life, probably didn’t even know what body consciousness was. Which complicated the 1-10 scale like you couldn’t imagine.

Annoying.

Irritating.

Insistent.

See Heero was a very straightforward man, and when he realized something, he acted on it. When he realized Duo was mooning on him like a sizable rock stuck in planet gravity, he decided whether or not he returned the attraction.

The answer was returned very quickly: Yes. In spades, like a gardening store.

Right, well there was that. So, right now, they had unresolved sexual tensions floating between them, because Duo was very much not a direct person. He would sneak and sulk around the borders of whatever he was trying to deal with and poked it every-so-often with a twenty-foot-pole from behind a rock and a gun in hand, a getaway vehicle nearby and ready to roll.

Duo was a big flaming ball un-filed paperwork. If Heero had a baked good for every form Duo did _not_ fill out, Heero would be a very rich owner of a Bakery whose only problem was that they were in a diabetic coma.

Heero did not like unresolved anything, much less anything as easily solved as sexual tension. He already had a new sheet for Duo, unsure of which box to check, but a ten was ready to be circled of whatever the relationship was. Either it would be their current friendship with sex attached, or an actual relationship, he wouldn’t accept anything more nebulous than those two options. After another short thought he decided than the second option was much more clear cut, easier, and just plain more desirable than the possible confusion friends + sex =/= Claim. Heero was…protective…of anything he thought he had a claim over. It was his. You couldn't have it. He wanted to be sure of that claim, and so Duo wouldn’t get all twitchy. Twitchy Duo=Bad. It was all very simple.

So he began a mission plan, worked on it obsessively for a week, fine-tuned it and made several contingency plans, then nodded, closed his laptop and began working on the actual mission.

So he had Duo, who blinked awake, tried to yawn, and realized his mouth was already around a gag, his arms and legs were already tied to a chair and he was actually rather comfortable. He scoffed at the ropes holding him, soft fiber, but not slick. He looked for the knots and realized after a few moments that he would need to be triple-joined and have fingers that could bend backwards to undo them.

Which said one thing to his devilishly quick little mind: Heero wanted to talk about something, again.

The last time he had done something like this was to ask if Duo wanted to be friends, with the same amount of formality that most people ask others to get married. That, however, had only been his arm handcuffed to a pole, because Heero hadn’t been too worried about being turned down. He also hadn’t been drugged before hand.

Maybe Heero was asking him to get married. Or to borrow his printer for a day. You never could tell with Heero. Complicated man. Great ass.

A light slowly came on and Heero went into his line of vision and politely asked “Comfortable?”

Which is where they were now, with Heero looking at his Powerpoint with moderate amounts of pride, and Duo looking like Heero had just kidnapped him and tied him to a chair.

Duo’s eyes helpfully widened until there was white surrounding the charming purple iris. He struggled with more ferocity until he was straining at the bounds. Heero was quick to respond, “Now, I understand this is a bit abrupt, but I think if you hear me out we can reach an understanding.”

He flicked the slide, and there was a picture of Duo looking…well… Duoish, Namely adorable, sexy as hell, and somewhere between frightening and cuddleable. “This is you, as you know, I figured you would want to know what I believe to be your high points.”

Duo blinked owlishly and his struggles suspiciously stopped and a look of expectant hope on his face. Heero took this as a good sign and coughed and recited. “You are, according to several standard of beauty, highly attractive, including my own personal preference, which I can further detail on a future date are you so inclined.”

Duo glared over the gag and Heero sighed. “I will give a short synopsis in the interest of time. Your hair is a particular point of unique interest. It is of a pleasing texture the three times you have allowed me to brush it and braid it. It was less so the four times I did it when you were ill, but I still enjoyed the experience, though obviously less because you were ill and not making those pleased mewing noises and sighing.”

Duo choked over his gag and flushed.

“It is also an interesting assortment of colors, besides just a brown I have noticed shades of reds, golds, yellows and I think I caught a lavender once in the moonlight. It is…very aesthetically pleasing and I have found myself staring at it on more than one occasion wishing to see it flared across a pillow case.”

Duo choked again, dropped his head and shook his head. Heero, taking this as bad sign continued. “You are also well muscled but not bulky, your skin is evenly fair save for the assortment of freckles on your chest and back due to working in the sun shirtless. Your buttocks, or more commonly called ‘ass’ though I am unsure of what donkeys have to do with anything, which many resources have paid special attention to, is especially pleasing. It is very round, muscular, and I believe the term squeezable comes to mind.”

Duo blinked and looked around as if he was trying to figure out if he liked being called ‘squeezable’. Heero stared back.

After a moment he looked up and coughed. “In terms of personality, you are very charitable and thoughtful, you change the roll of toilet paper when it runs out, and get a new one when it runs low. You have food we like in your house for when we stop over, and you have long since memorized how we like our coffee and of tea. You are trustworthy, competent in most manners, you aren’t afraid to help or ask for help if you need it. You are friendly and cheerful and empathetic towards the problems of others." He stopped and tried to measure Duo's reaction.

Duo stared at him and tapped his foot. Heero quickly continued.

"You can also effectively disable an opponent in less than thirteen seconds, efficiently destroy a building using minimal explosives and damage radius, pilot better than anyone I am aware of, and can sneak into any building in the world. Also, the reconstruction on the vintage bike you got three years ago was faultless.” Heero finished, because the books and websites he had looked at told him to compliment ‘his man’s’ skills, they had meant the bedroom, but since he had no experience with Duo in the bedroom other than Duo folding his underwear and sleeping, he felt he could extend the definition a bit.

Duo looked mildly pleased and less inclined to escape at the moment, tapping his fingers on the chair as much as he could and waiting. The picture turned to a picture of Heero looking…well…distinctly uncomfortable. Oh. And naked.

Duo’s eyes bugged and then glazed. Heero was posed in what many gay porn sites agreed to be a very attractive situation. Duo, apparently, approved. Or he was having a seizure. Heero resisted the urge to check Duo's pupils.

“Unfortunately I cannot speak for you, nor can I ungag you because I want you to hear me out. However, according to several surveys of both women and interested men, my best feature appears to be….” He clicked and a chart came up next to the still naked picture of Heero. Duo didn’t seem to notice the chart.

“At the top comes my, and I quote ‘smoldering and intense blue eyes’, and shortly below that, by one point, ‘an ass so firm you could just sink your teeth into it’ I prefer if you didn’t, but I have a high pain tolerance.” He looked expectantly at Duo, who raised an eyebrow and was struggling again. “I also got high marks on my abs, back and legs and general facial structure.” He frowned. “Though I do see fit to warn you, my genitals didn’t receive as high of marks as I’d like, and as I have no scores to compare mine to I can’t say if you’d be pleased or not. When I was being enhanced no one thought that was exceedingly important. I promise, should we engage in a sexual relationship, I will do my best to offset this weakness.”

Duo snorted. Heero chose to ignore this. “I cannot say what part of my personality would appeal to you, but I am very dedicated and detail oriented. I swear I would pay every ounce of attention to our relationship as anything else I ritualistically partake in.”

And the eyes glazed over again. Heero took that as a bad sign, Duo had to be bored and continued. “In any case, I have created this flow chart to show the progression of our relationship should it be, as many sites titled it ‘romantic’.” He coughed and the titled was “1x2 Sexual Relationship?”

Duo’s eyes followed it from “01 and 02 Interested” down to “Marriage/Civil-Union/Or Other Long-term Engagement.” His eyes tracked the steps to sexual relationship rather pointedly.

“I had heard that offering long-term commitment could be seen as frightening, but it seemed that I should show the progression for as long as I could see it. If you wish to get out earlier…” Heero looked upset at the option, but gestured that it was a continuous possibility throughout the flow-chart.

He clicked to a new chart. “I found there were many sites asking for help should a sexual relationship get boring, so I created this to make sure we never get bored. I have researched all of the above-mentioned kinks and I don’t think any of them are beyond our capability or desires.”

Glazed over expression again. Damnit he was bored! Heero bit his cheek and moved on. “And these are multiple places we could go on our first date, I tried to extrapolate from things you enjoyed doing what you would find fun that I would also enjoy. I have flowers and chocolates in the kitchen if you want. We wouldn’t need to have sexual congress yet, in fact many of the websites detailed waiting until at least the fifth date.”

Duo’s eyes widened in fear and Heero was quick to add “Or later.”

Duo was struggling again, the chair was rocking and Heero worried it would break so he frantically moved through his bar graph and line graph of housing costs and the pie chart of how to best equal out work and their romantic life, flow charts of what to do if their was a fight, and then, in full mission-plan glory, detail their first sexual encounter. Actual, eight possible sexual encounters, as he didn’t know what Duo wanted.

Duo, the entire time, was furiously trying to escape, and Heero, coming to the end of his presentation, frowned. Why hadn’t his logic managed to sway Duo? They HAD unresolved sexual tension, and this was an efficient way to solve it. So he offered his second choice.

“Or…if you don’t wish to have a romantic relationship…we could continue our current friendship with sexual encounters attached.”

Duo suddenly stopped struggling, blinked at Heero, and glared, then looked at the ropes and in a very commanding gaze, told Heero to let him go. Heero frowned; let his shoulders slump a few centimeters and untied Duo’s legs and then arms. 02 didn’t move until the gag was gone, then roped his legs behind Heero tugged him down and proceeded to kiss him until his lungs burned.

“You will never, ever, tie me up in a chair and proceed to tell me fifteen billion way you’re planning to seduce me and fuck me into the mattress and then not let me jump you.”

“I thought you would be disinclined to listen.”

Duo glared “Dumbass” and then latched onto his mouth and pushed him on the floor.

It wasn’t any of the eight previously mentioned scenarios, but as Heero was finishing the paperwork in his head, happily circling a ten and checking the ‘relationship’ box, he thought it had gone over very well.

When Duo woke up, and he had the gallon of chocolate chunk ice cream, he distantly mourned that the scale only went up to ten.

A/N  
He would romance through a slide show. You know he would.  



End file.
